Anger Management

Recently I've been playing a lot of either Halo 3 or Call of Duty 4. I tend to play it with the same group of friends. One thing I've noticed, is that some people let things bother them--sometimes a little too much. Whether it be the quality of their own internet connection, the quality of whoever got party host's connection, or just random glitches in the game, they seem to let the most insignificant things of a video game really bother them.

Video games are supposed to be entertainment. They are supposed to be a way to relax and have fun. I like playing online games because I like to socialize with other people. I work an 8-5 job at a small company with only 7 employees. That's not a large group to socialize with. That's one of the reasons I really like Xbox Live. It gives me the opportunity to play with friends, family, and new people I meet online, but when people I play with let the small things bother them to the point they feel the need to verbalize every little thing (and not always in a polite way), that makes it so the experience isn't enjoyable to me either. Personally I take that as an insult and a complete lack of respect for me as a person. If these small things really bother these people that much, I really wonder how they react to serious, real life situations that are a lot more important than a video game.

As I pondered the topic, I browsed and found an article on the American Psychological Association's website. Here are some interesting parts of it.

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation. It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective.

Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

I really feel that last quote needs to be read and understood by a lot of people I play games with online. I don't expect the things that make them angry to be fixed, but I do feel that they can fix the way they react to them. It will be beneficial to both them and me in the long run. They'll be more happy and I'll actually enjoy playing games with them again. Overall I think it really comes down to respect. Whether or not you respect me as a person dictates how you act around me. If you do respect me, you will try to refrain from overreacting in an angry and often times vulgar way. I can't guarantee those I'm talking about will ever read this, but if they do, I really hope they will understand what I'm saying.